Ok. Too much has happened since the last post that I don’t know where to start.
But I know one thing. Life is dulling for me. All the novelty of coming to a new school and taking part in exciting new activites that I’ve never done before - it’s all fading. It feels like being in an over-rehearsed play. Everything becomes so… predictable. And I’m not just talking about the boring cycle of dragging yourself out of bed every morning. Even my CCAs are becoming so routine and the activities that I’m part of look so inconsequential in the bigger scheme of things.
I get this feeling that life in school is like living in a bubble. I’ve never quite felt this way before but now that I’m pushing against the boundaries of this bubble, I realise how close I am to the outside and I wonder what I’m ever going to do out there.
Come on. I’ve seen all this before. The way people handle relationships, pull strings, manipulate others. The plans are always the same, just with different targets in mind. If that’s bad, reactions are even more predictable. Once you know someone’s personality, you can get whatever reaction you want out of him if you’re smart enough. Just provide the correct stimuli and you get the person moving in the direction you want him/her to. That’s not to say that I manipulate people well. I wish I could do that as well as Iago does. I’m just not good enough yet. Frankly, I don’t see the big fuss in manipulating people. We do that all the time anyway, even if we don’t realise it. So when someone actually harnesses that ability and uses it consciously, it’s bad? I see it as a show of intelligence.
It’s so freaking boring that I’ll embrace anything that drags me away from this painful monotony, even a short 3 day attachment at a science lab. God, unchanging, exciting God, show me the meaning of exciting in this overstaged play. Show me that even the mundane things I’m doing are not for myself, not even for others, but for Your glory. And Your glory alone.
Disclaimer: I’m not particularly coherent in this post so if you think I’m just spouting nonsense, you’re probably right. This post was just to straighten out my jumbled thoughts and believe me, my thoughts right now are very jumbled indeed.
